Forgiving someone who has deeply wounded your heart is one of the most difficult commands God gives, yet it is also one of the most freeing. Forgiveness does not deny the pain, nor does it pretend the wrong never happened. Instead, forgiveness places the entire weight of the hurt into the hands of the Lord who judges righteously according to First Peter 2 verse 23. The starting point is to recognize that forgiveness begins with God, not with your feelings. God forgave you long before you ever sought Him. Ephesians 4 verse 32 tells believers to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. You forgive because God forgave you first and because His grace can flow through you even when your own strength is gone.

To forgive someone who hurt you deeply, begin by telling God exactly what happened, how you feel, and why the wound is still open. David repeatedly poured out his heart before God in the Psalms. When you bring the hurt into the presence of God, He starts cleansing it. Forgiveness is not a one time emotion. It is a spiritual decision that you may need to reaffirm repeatedly while God heals your heart. Many believers struggle because they think forgiveness requires forgetting. That is not true. God never commands you to erase your memory. He commands you to release your right to seek revenge according to Romans 12 verse 19. You choose to trust God with the outcome.

The next step is to remember that forgiveness does not always mean instant reconciliation. Reconciliation requires trust and repentance. Forgiveness releases bitterness from your heart, but it does not force you back into a harmful situation. Jesus teaches forgiveness in Matthew 18, yet He also gives instructions about confronting sin and establishing boundaries. You can forgive fully while still using wisdom to guard your heart according to Proverbs 4 verse 23.

Bring the hurt into the light of scripture. Meditate on verses that remind you of the mercy God has shown you. Think about how Christ forgave those who crucified Him and prayed Father forgive them in Luke 23 verse 34. When you remember the cross, it becomes harder to hold the sins of others tightly. Forgiveness becomes an act of worship, not a human achievement. You forgive in obedience to Christ because you desire His freedom more than your right to stay angry.

Also be patient with the healing process. Emotional wounds rarely close in a moment. God works gradually, often layer by layer, removing resentment, sadness, and anger. Each time the enemy brings back the memory, choose again to place it in the hands of the Lord. Say in prayer, Father, I release this again. Heal what I cannot heal myself. Over time, you will notice the memory no longer carries the same poison. This is evidence of the Spirit renewing your heart.

If bitterness keeps rising, you are not failing. You are being invited to deeper dependence on God. Hebrews 12 verse 15 warns about bitterness taking root. Bitterness grows where hurt is left unattended. But forgiveness uproots it. It is not a feeling, but an act of surrender.

Forgiveness also requires seeing the offender through God’s eyes. You do not excuse their sin, but you acknowledge that they are a fallen person capable of being restored by the same grace that rescued you. Ask God to give you compassion for them. Forgiveness becomes easier when you stop focusing on the size of the offense and start focusing on the size of God’s mercy.

Finally, trust that forgiving does more for your own soul than for the person who hurt you. Unforgiveness chains you to the wound. Forgiveness opens that chain. It restores peace, guards your mind, strengthens your walk with God, and allows the Spirit to work through you without hindrance.